SCIMETAR

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From THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY ((C)1911 Released April 15 1993) [devils]:

  SCIMETAR, n.  A curved sword of exceeding keenness, in the conduct of
  which certain Orientals attain a surprising proficiency, as the
  incident here related will serve to show.  The account is translated
  from the Japanese by Shusi Itama, a famous writer of the thirteenth
  century.
  


          When the great Gichi-Kuktai was Mikado he condemned to
      decapitation Jijiji Ri, a high officer of the Court.  Soon after
      the hour appointed for performance of the rite what was his
      Majesty's surprise to see calmly approaching the throne the man
      who should have been at that time ten minutes dead!
          "Seventeen hundred impossible dragons!" shouted the enraged
      monarch.  "Did I not sentence you to stand in the market-place and
      have your head struck off by the public executioner at three
      o'clock?  And is it not now 3:10?"
          "Son of a thousand illustrious deities," answered the
      condemned minister, "all that you say is so true that the truth is
      a lie in comparison.  But your heavenly Majesty's sunny and
      vitalizing wishes have been pestilently disregarded.  With joy I
      ran and placed my unworthy body in the market-place.  The
      executioner appeared with his bare scimetar, ostentatiously
      whirled it in air, and then, tapping me lightly upon the neck,
      strode away, pelted by the populace, with whom I was ever a
      favorite.  I am come to pray for justice upon his own dishonorable
      and treasonous head."
          "To what regiment of executioners does the black-boweled
      caitiff belong?" asked the Mikado.
          "To the gallant Ninety-eight Hundred and Thirty-seventh -- I
      know the man.  His name is Sakko-Samshi."
          "Let him be brought before me," said the Mikado to an
      attendant, and a half-hour later the culprit stood in the
      Presence.
          "Thou bastard son of a three-legged hunchback without thumbs!"
      roared the sovereign -- "why didst thou but lightly tap the neck
      that it should have been thy pleasure to sever?"
          "Lord of Cranes of Cherry Blooms," replied the executioner,
      unmoved, "command him to blow his nose with his fingers."
          Being commanded, Jijiji Ri laid hold of his nose and trumpeted
      like an elephant, all expecting to see the severed head flung
      violently from him.  Nothing occurred:  the performance prospered
      peacefully to the close, without incident.
          All eyes were now turned on the executioner, who had grown as
      white as the snows on the summit of Fujiama.  His legs trembled
      and his breath came in gasps of terror.
          "Several kinds of spike-tailed brass lions!" he cried; "I am a
      ruined and disgraced swordsman!  I struck the villain feebly
      because in flourishing the scimetar I had accidentally passed it
      through my own neck!  Father of the Moon, I resign my office."
          So saying, he gasped his top-knot, lifted off his head, and
      advancing to the throne laid it humbly at the Mikado's feet.